I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
