I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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