I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
