Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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