if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
