Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
