I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
