and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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