Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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