We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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