I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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