like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
