john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The air was thick with penises
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
