my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
