dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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