Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
