I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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