so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
