She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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