You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i would punch a child for taco bell
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
