is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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