I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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