found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
