Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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