I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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