Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
