I'm eating all of the evidence.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
