who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
