I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
