You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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