this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
