I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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