When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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