i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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