too bad you live with your parents still
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
