I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
