Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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