This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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