i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
