he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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