Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
