i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
