I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
