My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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