I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
