What did we do last night that was yellow?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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