youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
