i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
