Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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