i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
