The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
