Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
