I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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