You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
