If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
