a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
