and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
