Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize