My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am naked and annoyed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
