no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
