help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
