you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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