GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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