im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
