Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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