nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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